Two years ago, I wrote my first “musings” post and it was all about change. And somehow, I named it volume one knowing that that wouldn’t be the last time I would want to talk about change. I probably should have written one last year too but I guess life caught up with me.
In my last post on change, I talked about the fear of leaving something you love in hopes of going towards something better (in this case Europe…). But you see, that’s not the case these days. I’m staying in D.C. I’m not leaving anything. Maybe I am looking for something better though. I mean, aren’t we all? It’s human nature.
The thing though is that sometimes we choose change. And that makes the change a little better. And other times, change is forced upon you like a mariachi band at a Mexican restaurant and you’re like, “I didn’t ask for this!!” This upcoming change (aka graduating and becoming a real person) falls into the latter category.
More than any other change I’ve experienced this one seems to be all-consuming and yet laid back. It’s happening in the near future and it’s happening now. And to be honest, it’s freaking me out. But I’m also calm. Confused yet? Yeah, me too.
I think it comes down to the fact that I’m not scared of the future. I’m scared of the end of an era. I’m the last of three kids (well, for my mom anyway) and I’m also the baby of my family’s friend group growing up. You know what that means? It means that while I feel old, I also make a lot of other people feel really old. It means that the role I’ve played my entire life is shifting and although I haven’t been a kid for a while, graduation makes it official. It’s weird to think that everything you know and the way you’ve lived your life for, well forever, is about to change. To be honest, it feels like a warm hug and a bitch slap all at the same time. Confused again? Join the club. I’ve heard that being a young professional who is financially independent and living their young adult years is so. much. better. than college. And I’ve seen that first hand from so many of my friends. Sure, there are risks but it’s not like you can actually avoid them. I mean what are you gonna do? Not support yourself? Not an option.
But what’s keeping me going is this idea that for so long I was scared that these changes would change who I was. I wrote in my last musings on change that, “I know that I will never be the same as I am now.” And while I followed that up by saying I knew that was a good thing, I’m not sure I actually meant that. You know how you can know something intellectually and then once it’s in practice you don’t understand it at all? I think that’s what was going on there. But what I’ve learned in the past couple of years is that most of us are pretty resistant to change because why do something different if you could keep on going like you have been. It’s scary to uproot and wander into a field of unknowns. But that practice of meeting change with courage and excitement only allows you to grow more than you would if you resisted it. These experiences shape us and help us learn the lessons we need to learn. And to me, it seems like things just keep getting better so I’m gonna take a new approach and say, “HELLO CHANGE. I’m glad you’re here.”
Let’s see how this goes…